Attention, Jealousy, and Cherry Chapstick
by cullenluver12
Summary: Alice, Bella, Rose, and Esme are worried. Maybe it's just a phase, but their husbands just haven't been paying enough attention to them lately. So they try to make the boys jealous- like a game. Jealous Cullen male vampires? Uh-oh...
1. Forgotten

**PLOT: The Cullen boy haven't been paying that much attention to their wives lately. And the women are getting impatient. So they take action-make the boys jealous with other boys, and they guys will turn around. Right? **

**Sigh. Fail.**

**Heyy, it's cullenluver12 here. New story, cause I like that.**

**I update randomly. Let's see if I can keep up with my story XD I love reviews. They are my inspiration. Please, review. **

**Enjoy:) **

**Song of the Day: See the Sun by the Kooks  
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><p><strong>Esme POV<strong>

"Carlisle. Carlisle? Hello?" I tapped on Carlisle's office door, leaning against the doorframe. My handsome husband sat at his desk, his blonde hair slightly ruffled—an abnormality, for vampires, I've come to realize—and his tie loosened around his neck. Papers were neatly stacked in piles around the room, and the quiet steady rhythm of a pen scribbling against paper filled the room. Light started to stream into the room, the start of yet another morning of an eternity.

"Carlisle." I tried again, trying to smother the flame of impatience I held against my husband. Finally, he looked up, shadows under his eyes darker than I've seen them in a long time. The move to Chicago was a drastic change from Seattle, and before that, Forks. We hadn't the time to hunt.

"Yes, darling?" He said, almost tiredly. As if we could get tired. I suppressed the urge to sigh, because my handsome darling husband had seem to have forgotten that today was the day we were supposed to go out and find new curtains for the living room. With him at the hospital all the time, it's hard to corner him into doing things.

You'd think having a vampire husband would be different. We don't have to eat. We don't have to sleep. The sex is great, we're wealthy, I've six beautiful children, a wonderful granddaughter and her beloved. Whenever I go to the store to buy food for Renesmee and to keep up appearances, I get plagued by women, who come up to me as I stand there in the frozen food aisle, and say "What a _perfect_ husband you have," and "It must be easy being the wife of such a _wonderful_ man."

Now, I'm not ungrateful. Carlisle is, with every sense of the word, my soulmate and damn near perfect. I would not trade him for the world, and I love him more than I ever thought I could love.

But he is a man, my dear women. And vampire or not, it does not morph him into a super perfect supreme being. He can be sloppy still, he leaves the door unlocked at times, and ask him how to save a human after they've been attacked by a vampire and he can walk you through all of the steps one by one—yet he fails to remember at times simple tasks like how we should be picking out curtains by now.

"Yes?" Carlisle repeats. I give him a look, realizing that I'd been silently musing for a bit. I put a hand on my hip.

"I should remind you that we are to pick the curtains out today, Carlisle." I smoothly say, coming into the room and approaching his desk. Carlisle pursed his lips and breathed out of his nose.

"I've a shift at the hospital tonight, dear. A meeting, before that as well. Can we not pick out curtains another day?" I stared into his golden eyes, the eyes that years ago would stop my heart just by glancing at me. Until they became the eyes that actually did stop my heart—literally.

"Carlisle Cullen, you are doing it again." I said, taking papers and straightening them.

"Esme, what do you mean?"

" I mean, you're putting your work before what needs to be done _again_. This is the second time you have said for this to wait when I told you that I have to redecorate the Joneses house this month and I won't have free time for a while."

"Yes, dear, but do we really _need_ curtains?" The look I gave him in reply must have made him try for a new approach in replying because he quickly added "I agree with you completely Esme. I apologize. But we're almost at a break through here; a cure for cancer, Esme."

I sighed in defeat, knowing I couldn't say no to that. Was it possible for someone to be **too **caring, "perfect", dedicated?

Yes. I hadn't had sex in a month, we haven't done anything romantic in a month and a half, and I'm sure I've been driving Edward and Jasper crazy with what I've been feeling and thinking.

"I understand, Carlisle." And with those words that I knew would be all the motivation he needed to finish working, I turned on my heel to leave the room.

"Esme, where are the kids? They were telling me how they all planned to get jobs this year."

I paused at the door. "Jasper's been working on psychology and into that type of nature. Alice will work at Forever 21, Edward has taken a job at Piano & Co., right next to the book shop that Bella will work at soon. Emmett's been at the new Hunting and Camping store, and Rosalie hasn't decided yet. Renesmee has taken up painting, and Jacob has been on patrol lately."

"Oh. I see." He continued to work, and I hastily left his office to go curtain shopping by myself. Again.

This was the last straw.

**Rosalie POV**

"I mean, they've got this cool shooting range that has lasers. I thought about getting one for the house just to practice with-"

I bit my lip and resisted the urge to scream. "Emmett, pass me the wrench, please." Since I couldn't get out from under the car myself, I had made Emmett come to the garage with me and give me the parts and tools like we used to.

Which proved to be the biggest mistake I've made in a while, ever since he took that job at the hunting and camping store here in Chicago. We'd all made the decision to get summer jobs, and now school was about to start and Emmett was just not. Going. To. Shut. Up.

Emmett either ignored what I was saying or didn't hear me over the constant babbling he was doing. He sat on the table I kept my tools, and talked.

"I also was thinking about getting one of those tents, to camp outside. We haven't done that in a while. Of course, I'd have to see what the best offer was at the store, which would mean spending even more time."

"That's great honey. Hand me the wrench."

"I can do more time though. I mean it's really, really cool Rose. I wish we had one of those when I was younger, but all we had was—"

"Ned Stan's Bait Shop," I finished for him "I know, Emmett. Hand. Me. The. Wrench." Emmett looked at me, and tossed me the tool. It bounced twice and slid under the car next to me and near my ankles.

Dammit.

"So help me God if I get a hold of that wrench Emmett it's going straight for your head."

He thrown that wrench down there without caring. I know that, because if he wanted to, he could have thrown it at an angle and have had it slide in next to me.

But he just threw it. As if he didn't care. Which he didn't. And he hasn't cared about anything, except shooting laser guns at the shop he worked at and new merchandise that they were going to get at the shop. He wasn't even interested in my body anymore, where when it used to be that me under a car used to drive him wild, covered in grease and my messy hair.

Apparently, he keeps forgetting that I'm his wife, not his coworker.

"Sorry Rosie." I slightly melted at the nickname he still called me. Proof that he cared for something other than the temporary job he had and stupid human things. And then I heard a beep, and him check his messages, and my mood instantly died. "Oh. It's almost my shift. Have to be getting to work." In a last attempt to capture his attention, I slid out from under the car.

I wore my ratty daisy dukes, courtesy of my last shopping trip. I was in a white tight t-shirt, one that hugged every curve and didn't quite cover my midriff. I was slightly dirty and my hair was slipping out of its bun. I was sexy, and I knew it.

He kissed my cheek and jogged out of the garage. I stood there, stunned, as I heard his jeep door open and close, and him pull out of the driveway and away to work.

I don't think I've ever felt this much emotional turmoil in my life.

**BELLA'S POV**

"Edward, what's this about you working from 4 to 10 Monday through Saturday? We don't get out from school until 3:30 anyways!" I walked up behind my husband as he ran his fingers through his hair and organized his music.

"Bella, this is something I'm really interested in. I haven't had a job that I've wanted in such a long time…" He intensely stared at me, a trick that after 12 years of marriage I knew meant 'I'm-trying-to-sucker-you-into-saying-yes.'

And it wasn't going to work.

"And when are we supposed to see each other if you're spending all of your time in a music store and we have no classes except for lunch?" I crossed my arms in defiance.

"All the time in between! Love, it's not like we sleep." He said, as if I hadn't thought of that already.

"I know that, but how is Renesmee going to see you?" I asked, pulling the guilt card.

He paused. "She can visit me at work. Human dads work all the time, with hours worse than I. Bella, I need you to understand…"

"I get it, I get it. No need to get all slow on me." I grumbled, watching him press notes on his piano. Light steadily streamed inside the window, and I knew Jacob would be coming back with Renesmee. She and Claire had been spending a lot of time together, and I trusted Jake to keep an eye on her while she went.

"Well, when do you start at the bookstore?" Edward asked, getting up and kissing my forehead. He turned around to finish packing music up.

"Tomorrow, actually. After school, until 7. Jake will pick Renesmee up and drive her home, and Esme will be here for a while until she has to-"

"Bella, shhh. Listen to this. Do you like this piece better than this?" He played two different snippets on the piano, paused, and as I was about to say which one I preferred, nodded and circled the one he wanted. When did my opinion suddenly not matter?

"Edward, do what you want." I sighed, and left the room. I doubt he even noticed.

**Alice's POV**

"Alice, we were just in here." Jasper complained again, as we walked into another department store. I shook my head in dismay. You'd think after going on countless sprees with me, he'd know the difference between a Kohls and Aeropostale. I guess not.

"I'm going to be late for my Psych. Class!"

"Jasper, honey, you won't." I said, reaching for a shirt that would look cute for my 21st day of school. Some people like to buy a few shirts and wear the same thing all year. Last year, Hannah-Lee Faceson wore her owl shirt 16 times. I know, because it was absolutely atrocious and I counted.

How I hate Hannah-Lee Faceson. I have no reason to, not really, but with the way she looks at Jasper and her sweet little southern-belle accent… it just gets to me sometimes. I wanted to tell her last year that her hunky-dory cowgirl boots were ugly as hell times seven and they SO did not go with those light blue jeans that she always wore with them.

"Alice, we won't be _late_ if we leave now." Jasper mumbled. I looked up at him and made a face. He's been really into his Psychology class lately, and completely avoiding me. It seems that all of the males in the Cullen household have been avoiding their spouses, due to their "busy schedules."

"Jasper, don't you want to spend some quality time together?" I said, widening my eyes in a way I knew drove him mad.

He let out air and looked away. "Of course I do, Alice. But I also don't want to be late. So let's get what you need and head for the hills."

Huh. Maybe I'm losing my puppy-eyes touch. "Okay, Jazz. Whatever makes you happy." I quickly bought the shirt and a few other garments and slowly left the mall. Jasper muttered impatiently as I as slow as vampire possible trudged to the car. He opened my door and shut it, and I winced at the force he used on my precious Porsche.

"Jasper, calm down. We'll be there in a second. I'm psychic, remember?" I said. This comforted him some—imagine that, the psychic also being the calmer, which he usually is for me.

Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to get this vision fast enough. Traffic jam. Bad one. I thought Jasper was going to snap the steering wheel in two.

"Psychic, huh?" He snapped, his southern drawl that usually was like honey and milk sounding like a whip.

"Jasper Whitlock, you watch your mouth." I said, tight lipped. He managed to look slightly shame faced. If this was how he was going to react, he could walk to class. I didn't mean to say that aloud, but I did. And his face turned to stone, as he got out of the car.

That was his determined look.

He was going to walk to class. "Jasper Whitlock Cullen, you better get back into this car!" I called from the passenger seat. He got back into the car as traffic suddenly moved, and he went so fast we were there in 4 minutes and 21 seconds. He opened the door to the driver's side for me, closed it, said goodbye and hurried to class.

He was early.

I'm sure he could feel my rage. I wanted him too. As soon as I got home, I walked into the living room and knew what I was going to find. A group of disgruntled women lounging on couches, and one sleeping girl in her mother's lap.

"Can you believe him?" I said, after telling Esme, Rose and Bella everything. They nodded in agreement of the cruelty of it all. What was wrong with our men these days? Was it because we've been married for so long?

Renesmee sleepily opened one eye and started talking. "I read this magazine that said something about how men get interested into hobbies when they find life boring or something."

We all went silent as we thought about this. Were we boring? We were vampires, for God's sake! How more interesting can it get?

"What the hell do they want? We _glitter_, dammit!" Rosalie seethed.

"I bet Hannah Lee is even more boring than me." I muttered. Bella raised an eyebrow and I saw her resist the urge to smile.

"Are you still jealous over her, Al'?" Bella teased, grinning. I stared at her open mouthed from my place on the couch and scoffed.

"Jealous? For what? Jasper won't leave me for her. If anything, he needs to be worried about me leaving him." I was only half-kidding. I wouldn't ever leave him, but I was maybe slightly jealous over Hannah. She was his type… all southern.

"We should make them jealous. See how they like that." Rose agreed. Esme shook her head in disagreement, but it was half-hearted.

"I'm in." Bella said, picking up a book. "How are we doing this?"

"With male attention, of course. Pick a few humans, act like we're somewhat interested, it'll wake the guys up alright. Let them see what they're missing." Rose replied, twirling her hair.

"Could work." Esme gave in, which was when I knew that we were in deep poop. When Mama Esme agrees to diabolical female group plans, something is up.

"At least we have school." Nessie sleepily added. Bingo.

And it was then and there that the Cullen women decided on a Wednesday summer afternoon to make their spouses jealous. After all, they were grown men. They could be responsible, and realize the errors of their ways and give the girls attention.

Then again, this is men we're talking about.

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><p><strong>REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE FASTER. JUST FYI.<strong>


	2. Talk Dirty to Me

**Hello people! I've not updated in a very long time, and I apologize. I'll try to update a little better though. :) I won't give up on this story, not completely.**

**Songs for this chapter: Hellhole Ratrace by Girls  
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** Fluorescent Adolescent- Arctic Monkeys_  
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_Esme's POV_

"Girls, is this really necessary?" I complained, watching as Alice and Rosalie primped and powdered my body. After our decision to win our husbands attention, we immediately began brainstorming. In result, the mind-sketched plan was for the female Cullens to become active in an activity as well, and let our admirers come to us. While the maternal side in me wanted to strongly protest against this bold plan, the whiny-wife deep inside shut her up and gagged her.

Unfortunately, Alice had found out about the dinner party at work, and while I had originally wanted to go with Carlisle, it occurred to me that by myself would be the only way I'd be going. Which led to my being dragged into my bedroom and led to a new wardrobe, courtesy of Alice and Rosalie.

"Esme, you dress like a receptionist." Alice had huffed, pulling out my blouses and dresses from my closet. Now, squeezed into a tight, body hugging midnight blue dress, I was most certainly_ not _dressed like a receptionist. I frowned slightly, wanting to protest.

"Alice, I look like I'm in my twenties! I'm too old for this! I can't let the people at work see me like I'm a... a tramp!" I said, the word tumbling out of my mouth so unfamiliar that I nearly choked on it.

"Esme, you _are_ in your twenties. Come on, where's the inner tiger in you?" Alice's question echoed in my head.

"You squeezed her out of me trying to fit me in this dress..." I muttered.

"You're acting like a grandma, Esme." Rosalie added, fussing over my hair.

"I am a grandmother, Rosalie! Oh god. What if Renesmee sees me like this? No. No, get me out of this now." I said, stepping aside from Alice's grasping hands.

"I think it's a little too late for that, Esme." Renesmee's voice rang from behind me. I groaned into my hands; I was so vexed, I didn't even hear her heartbeat through my thoughts come up behind me. She sat next to Bella on my bed, watching me with an amused expression played across her pretty features.

"See? She's fine with it. Now you sit still Esme, and let me finish your hair. I think you'd make a bigger impression walking in with your head looking like a haystack then you would if you had it smoothed down." I was going to kill my daughter.

Minutes later, and I was finished, Alice beaming proudly up at me as I studied her handiwork. The girls walked into the bathroom around me, and stared at the reflection that gazed back at us. I saw five beautiful women, powerful, infinite and capable. Four beautiful women had sad eyes, due to their lack of attention by their husbands.

I wrapped my arms around Alice and sighed.

"You've got to leave Esme. Text us if you need us." Rosalie said, tossing my phone as I walked out of my bedroom feeling slightly out of place. I slowly stepped down the stairs. debating whether or not I should say goodbye to my sons before I left, or if I should make as little drama as possible about this. With a sigh, I chose the latter as I stepped on the last step.

Edward glanced up from his stationary seat at the piano, and his eyes widened._ If he's really that unobservant, I pity my poor Bella...__  
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"Esme?" Edward asked, uncertainly. My heels clicked loudly against our tile floor as I walked over to him and kissed his forehead goodbye.

"Esme, where are you going?" A voice said from behind me. I turned around to Carlisle, who stood in the doorway to his office with a shocked look on his face. If I had a heart, it would be pounding. All I wanted to do was run over to him and wrap my legs around his waist like a silly girl in the movies Alice played constantly. Carlisle's face was frozen. For some reason, the reactions of the boys faces irritated me. What, was it so odd that I dress up and go out for a while? Was I really that predictable? I realized with a jolt that I really hadn't gone out ever on my own for the pursuit of admiration.

My eyes snapped back to Carlisle's face, ink smudges on his chin, his hair slightly rumpled, and all I wanted to do was walk over and smooth it over. I didn't. I gave him a confidant smile that I didn't feel, and said "Dinner plans."

Then I turned on my heels and headed to my car. The night was mine, and I was going to own it.

_I can't do this. I can't do this. This is so irresponsible._ I thought as I sat in my car outside of the convention where my dinner party was. Cranking up AC I couldn't feel, I impulsively fanned the cold air towards me.

I should just go home. This is stupid. Honestly, I'm a grown woman-and then some, and here I am having a good time while poor Carlisle slaved over his paperwork. Leaning my head against the steering wheel, it occurred to me that I was having what humans call a panic attack of some sort. A group of women walked past my car, and I studied their movements, their easy demeanor and laughing voices.

_"Charles finally is taking a break from the office. Think he'll notice my lack of wedding ring?"_ Said one, laughing with the others as they walked down the sidewalk.

_"I heard Esme was coming. You might have some competition, although I don't know why considering she has that yummy doctor of a husband at home to sate."_ Another said. My ears perked and I froze.

_"He can give me a check up anytime, huh Dorothy?"_

"_Yes well, for all of Esme's quote-unquote beauty, she's kind of a wimp. Like, I honestly doubt she'll even come."_

_ "And when she does come to parties, she's the self-nominated wall-flower."_

_"True."_ Their voices blurred into the rest as they walked inside of the building.

Um.

_**Excusez-moi bitch?** _

I turned up the radio to the Gwen Stefani song playing, remembering when it first came out. I sang along as I adjusted my cleavage, checked my makeup, and slid out of my car.

I'll show those ninnies a wall flower. I made my way to the building, the light jazz music seeping into my ears. My hips swayed as I walked through the doors, and I felt every eye turn towards me. If I had a beating heart, it would be pounding.

"Esme!" An office acquaintance named Callie called. I gave her a grin and headed her way. Her eyes were like saucers, and I was suddenly hyper-aware of the length of my dress. Was it too short? My "receptionist" clothes were more familiar to me and everyone around me.

"You look stunning!" Callie crowed, and I flipped my hair back as I laughed, knowing every male in the vicinity was staring. I wondered briefly where all this confidence came from; I didn't care, as long as it stayed.

"Thank you, Callie. How are you?" I chatted with her against the white table clothe counter. I could hear my name, sounding like buzzing bees through the crowd. _Esme, Esme, Esme, Esme..._

"Don't look now, but Charles Butre is coming this way." Callie whispered as she tried to look nonchalant and sip her drink. My eyes glanced around despite her warning, and locked on a tall man making his way toward us. He was handsome, even for vampire standards. He was around the age 28, judging by the dominant, easy going vibe he radiated. He had broad shoulders and a nice solid build that I heard the office women say was because he spent a lot of time at his large family farm in Ohio. Dark brown hair that was curly and combed nicely, dark blue eyes, and a smile that Colgate commercials would cry about. There was something spicy about this man, admittedly, a Spanish look to his features.

"Hello ladies. I was wondering if you two would like a drink?" His voice purred. Callie shrugged apologetically and glared at her cup, as if doing so would make her cup disappear. I wondered briefly if Carlisle would frown upon my new friend. Probably. The thought made my insides wince, but I plastered on a soldier face.

The things we do for love.

"I'd love one." I said, giving him my biggest smile. I waited for him with Callie, ignoring her wide eyes and gaping-fish look she was shooting at me.

This is so stupid, I thought watching Charles bound up to me with a drink in his hand.

He grabbed my wrist, his warm hand like fire on my icy one. I had to smother the guilt down that was emerging from my soul, and took the glass from his outstretched hand.

"Mrs. Cullen, may I say that you look simply stunning tonight."

_No, you may not say that_ I wanted to snap at him. Some small part of me was powdering her face in smug satisfaction. The rest of my maintained my marital dignity, and I tried to look like I wasn't bothered by his compliment.

"Thank you, Mr. Butre. It is nice to see a good gentleman tonight."

"Charles Butre! It's so good to see you!" A nasally whiny voice, one I recognized from outside earlier came up behind us. Charles gave her a look a shark might give a fish stick, and tightly smiled.

"Abigail, hello. How are you?"

"Mr. Butre, I am fine as red wine. I see you've met _Mrs._ Cullen?"

I was appalled at the emphasis on the Mrs., and the dirty look I was being given like I had sought Charles Butre's attention. Charles nodded at her, and turned to me.

"I have met the lovely Esme Cullen. She's certainly the star of the night, isn't she Abigail?" He said, causing pink splashes to appear on her cheeks.

"Yes, quite." She spat, giving me a venomous look. If it were ladylike to shrug, I would have done so, and then overturned the contents of my drink on her head.  
>At least then it wouldn't wasted.<p>

"Well it was nice seeing you, Mrs. Treeley-"

"Mr. Butre, I am _so_ sorry to hear about you and your wife. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here, my door is open," she fanned herself, and I nearly choked on the almost gravy-thick southern accent she was ladling onto her words, sticking like honey beneath a spicy innuendo.

"I bet your door is open, Abigail. I am sure your husband Daniel would not appreciate me to use the offer given, though." I choked at the implication Charles slyly slid in there, and he winked at me off to the side.

"You needn't worry about that, Mr. Butre, Daniel and I have been divorced for a month now. I'm as single as a dollar bill."

"How symbolic." I muttered under my breathe. Charles sudden intake and quirk of the mouth let me know he heard me, and I glanced at the wall, suddenly interested.

"A month, you say? Well, that's a mighty long time, Abigail. I'll take advantage of the opportunity when needed to call upon you." He said, patting her arm. She grinned mischievously and began to walk away.

"Yes, please take advantage Mr. Butre! I'll be waiting!"

There was a silence after she left, with Charles quiet, and me looking everywhere but him. And then I stopped, looked at him, and burst out laughing along with him.

"Oh _please_ take advantage, Mr. Butre!" I mimicked, clasping my breast and twirling my hair. Charles began to laugh harder, and I wondered fleetingly if this wasn't a mistake, after all.

**Bella's POV (Two days later)  
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The days clicked by, and it was my turn to put my plan into action. The plan I hadn't created yet. Esme had had a great time at her party a couple of days ago, and was obviously the star of the night, before getting the number of Charles, a friend of one of her coworkers.

It was funny. I was beautiful apparently, a "seductress" as Alice called me, and here I was laying on my bed, without the motivation to seduce. Some part of me recognized that reluctance in me, wanted Edward to see that he'd been ignoring me, and return back to caring self. Maybe I was being too hard on him. What did I know about music? Judging by the crap artists on the radio lately, it must be hard to come up with something that was worthwhile, something that could touch the hearts of people.

Then again, I had never been the outgoing type. The only seducing I had done was purely accidental; Mike Newton was hardly a prize, regardless.

Edward walked into our bedroom, running his fingers through his hair. I watched him from the bed, studying his disheveled appearance. If he were capable of being able to sleep, he wouldn't have slept anyways. I felt a flicker of something in the bottom of my stomach, a spark I hadn't felt for a while as I raked in his perfect jaw, his smooth mouth, and his dark lashes framing what I knew were the most stunning eyes to ever open on the planet.

"Bella?"

Somewhat excited that I was actually being addressed, my head shot up and perched myself up on my elbows. Hoping this view gave a clear shot down on my cleavage, I tried to muster up what some would call a sexy-sleepy voice.

"Yes, Edward?" Looking at him from beneath my lashes.

"Have you seen my black ballpoint pen?"

"No, I have not Edward."

He stopped rummaging through his drawers and looked at me. There was a split second of silence, each of us staring at one another. And then-

"Do you need to feed?"

The question, catching me so off guard that I could only shake my head no.

"Why? Are my eyes red? They shouldn't be..." Wondering where that question came from since I fed yesterday... I fleetingly wondered if I needed to feed more because I was getting older.

"Nothing, your voice just sounded... thirsty." He gave me an odd look before walking out of the room.

A wave of annoyance and sadness hit me.

My seduction voice sounds like a thirsty, raspy newborn vampire. Oh. Groaning into my pillow, I slid out of bed and walked to the main room. Glancing at Edward who was busy looking around his piano for the long-lost pen, I cleared my throat.

"Edward?" I called, trying to give him one last chance. Hoping he'd take it, because I didn't have a plan otherwise.

"Yes Bella?"

"I'm...going to go pick Renesmee up." I'm such a chicken, I thought grabbing my car keys and heading out. I had no clue where I was going. I began driving through Forks, wondering if I'd even come home tonight. If he'd even notice me gone. I reached in my purse to get my phone in the back seat, dialing the numbers I knew by heart.

"Mom?" The familiar sweet voice answered, inspiring warm emotions to flood my cold veins.

"Renesmee, would you like to spend the day with me today? I know you're at Casey's, but I wanted to know if I could pick you up a little early, if that's all right with you."

"Dad's being a jerk, isn't he?"

"Oh... he's just...being himself," I sighed into the phone, taking a turn to head down to Renesmee's friend's house.

"Well, Casey just fell asleep. I'll come out when you get here."

"Renesmee, I'm here." I probably should refrain from speeding, considering I was a Police chief's daughter. But I was anxious to see my daughter, the one person who knew to what extent Edward was ignoring me. I waited outside of the small, plain house for Renesmee before she stepped outside. I watched her-while she was only 13 years old, she looked 16 if not older. Yet she reminded me of myself, only more adventurous and popular. And she certainly didn't get her stunning good looks from me. Actually, now that the thought hit me, I realized that she resembled as much of Edward as she did me; her hard-headed, determined nature from him, her amazing taste in music and books from me.

"Can we get ice cream?" Were her first words as she buckled in the passenger seat.

"Of course we can."

I headed to the downtown area of Asheville, and I couldn't help but compare the differences, the ones that contrasted greatly with my home Forks. For one, Asheville, North Carolina had at least places to shop downtown. The mountains weren't too much of a change; if anything, it gave us somewhere to isolate ourselves. It's atmosphere was somewhat hippie-indie, and I couldn't make up my mind on whether or not I liked it.

Soon, Renesmee and I were sitting outside an ice cream parlor, and I watched her happily lick her strawberry cheesecake ice cream cone.

"I remember I used to eat that stuff." I said, wrinkling my nose and reaching over to wipe her mouth.

"You're missing out, mom. I'm addicted." Her eyes sparkled at the sweet, frozen treat, and I envied her ability to find happiness and solace in the small, human things of life.

"I bet. How's Jake by the way?" I was starting to miss my best friend. He moved with us, not leaving Renesmee's side but constantly going back to Forks to see his kind-of pack. How he made it back and forth the United States was beyond me. I knew he kept in touch with Renesmee at all times, always worrying and making sure she was okay.

"He's doing great. He bought me something on his way back, and I'm dying to know what it is."

"Five bucks it's a bracelet." I said, grinning at her over my prop coffee cup. I swished the coffee around in my mouth and spat it back out nonchalantly.

"I don't know if I have enough room on my wrists..." She said, grimacing at her leather bound wrists, mostly presents from Jake. I chuckled and flipped through a Sports magazine that someone had left before.

Suddenly, I heard snippets of conversation from a neighboring table. A tall, lean guy around the age of twenty argued with a guy of the same sort, arms flailing around. They were loud enough that my ears had to adjust to the volume, and I wanted to slap both of them.

_"Jane Austen? Who reads that old trash anymore? The real stuff is in the works nowadays. Sci-fi, steampunk, mysteries... the public crave's the unknown. Stephen King is the king of American literature, at best."_

_"No one wants to read all sci-fi though, Dave. That's the thing-"_

"Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. While I appreciate the fact that men are attempting to educate themselves on literature of the 19th and 20th century, I also would appreciate you quieting your conversation down. And may I also add that you can not compare the two writers; they are different writers, they write different subjects and appeal to different tastes. The fact that you are even comparing the two, ignoring the fact that they both wrote in two different time periods shows your ignorance on the matter, thank you very much.

And, for your information, I might add that Jane Austen is one of the greatest female literary additions of the world, chipping away at the sexist block men have placed upon society since the dawn of time. So you can put that in your books, and shove it up your ass." I snapped at them, aware that I had just given the two idiots a rant their mothers would be proud of. I spun back around in my chair, collecting my things.

If I could spit fire, those two men would be barbecued.

"Mom." Renesmee's mouth was wide open.

"Let's go, Ness." I huffed, standing up and pushing my chair in. As I began to walk away, again aware that I was being watched, a warm hand grabbed my elbow.

"Pardon you!" I twirled around, ready to give a good vampire kick-ass to some human. My dormant hormones spiked.

Holy mother of God. The tall man before me was nowhere near the attractiveness of my husband, for sure. But he was gorgeous, regardless. Blue eyes, a clear smile with a slightly chipped tooth in the front and blonde, tousled hair that hung above his eyes. He smelled of coffee and aftershave, and had an undertone of ink stuck to him and his rumpled, fitted clothes that were plain despite his bold attempt to get my attention.

"'Ello there ma'am. I couldn't help but realize you have a beautiful mind on the look of literature, and it's not everyday you see a pretty lady like yohself spoutin' off smart facts."

He's British. There's a British man, and he's pretty, and he's talking to me. He called me pretty.

"Um. Wow. Thanks." Stumbled out of my mouth. Nessie giggled, and clung to my arm.

"Anyways-and 'ello to the little pretty lady down here, you're a gorgeous sort-I'm an illustrator for books you see, and my mate and I are new here.. well, I wanted to know, if it wouldn't be a bother, if we could get coffee soon. I'd like to use you as my muse for the piece I'm workin' on."

"I... I'm married."

Renesmee elbowed my side, and the man's face fell.

"Oh. You look so young, I'm sorry miss, didn't mean to impose... I was just... in awe of your insight, I apologize for the inconvenience-" He quickly turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait! I'm kidding, that was a joke."

**What am I doing.**

"Mom, it's okay, it's just coffee." My naive daughter whispered.

The man turned around, and gave me a grin that made me melt. I knew every woman on the street was melting with me, for the sweet smile on this man's face was beautiful.

"You were kiddin' then? You'd like to get coffee?"

"Er. Sure. Yes. Not today, but soon. My da-sister, Vanessa and I are busy tonight. Here's my number though, call me when you can." I gave him the piece of paper I'd scribbled my number on, glancing at Renesmee- or "Vanessa", her cover up name.

"My name's Nathan, by the way. Please excuse my poor mannerisms, I get flustered around beautiful women." He said, taking the paper and tucking it in his pocket. I waved him away and confidently walked away fifty steps to the car before collapsing and speed dialing Alice.

I just got a date with a man, and I'm married.

Dammit, this was _so_ not what I meant by making a plan.

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><p><strong>YAY! CHAPTER TWO IS DONE.<strong>

**HELLO READERSSSSS.**

**So, sorry for taking so long to update. On that note, I will be updating soon, since I'm halfway done with the next chapter anyways. I hope everyone's doing okay, send me reviews if you have comments, questions, whatever... you see the review box ;)**


	3. Boxers

**Hello my readers! Thank you for reviewing and reading. And putting up with my slow updates xD First off real quick before we start, I'd like to say these few points:**

**This is NOT a Cullen x OC fanfiction. Don't stress!**

**Guess my age, if you must. I'm curious to see how old you think I am. **

**Alice's POV**

"I don't know what to do, Alice! I'm going on a coffee date with a guy whose blood tastes better than Starbucks."

I sighed, spinning around in my chair and watched my distraught sister burrow herself under pillows like a teenage girl. If it weren't for the fact that she was really upset about this, I would have found it funny that a married vampire woman who survived numerous attempts of people almost murdering her, who survived childbirth and an almost-war with the Volturi, was acting like it was the end of the world.

"Bella, you need to breathe. You're just going out to coffee. It's not like you promised him your body…Right?" I said, raising an eyebrow at her still figure.

"I know. It's just… I feel…"

"Guilty."I said, nodding. Bella groaned in affirmation. I minimized the fashion website I was on and went over to sit next to her. As I began to braid her hair, I gave her my Alice-Knows-Best-Advice.

"It's going to be all right. Edward won't even notice you're gone. Just go, have a good time, make some friends. It'll be good for you to get out, I promise." I soothed, staring into her eyes as if I were trying to hypnotize her.

"Well… Are you sure that this won't end up to bite me in the ass?"

I straightened up quickly, and smoothed my blouse. "Are you betting against the psychic? That never works for your husband."

A pillow flew beside my head, and I laughed.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Edward hasn't asked me one thing about me, Renesmee or anyone in almost a month. Damn his piano." Bella fumed, sitting up and undoing my braid. I sighed and reminded her of the plan.

"Your boy toy is going to call you in 11 hours. We have limited time to pick out your outfit. I also have to help Rosalie with her plan, get Esme with that Charles doctor, and there's a sale at Kohls, so I need to be there as soon as possible." I sighed again. This was the life of a psychic.

Bella stood up and began to walk towards the door.

"I don't know what I'd do without you Alice. Honestly." And she left. I shut my door behind her and returned to my seat, staring at my desktop screen of Jasper and I at a small restaurant in Paris. We had danced the night away, and the memory had locked itself as one of the best moments with him.

Since I had basically a few hours left to get Bella's outfit, I knew Jasper would be getting out of class right about now. I wondered if it would be worth the emotional pain of being avoided to meet him after class.

It wouldn't be.

The fact that Jasper had the upper hand already; the man had the power to feel emotions, for God's sake—and yet still would fail to give me the attention I need was staggering. This was the man I was destined to be with, and yet he was being a Grade-A Southern Gentledouche.

I decided that there was only one thing to do: Shop.

Before heading out, I peeked in the garage at Rosalie. She was furiously banging wrenches and tools underneath her red convertible, almost a muffled sound from the angry Kelly Clarkson song playing on the radio beside her. I knew this was her way of cooling off, the same way I sought out stores and Bella coffee nooks. Bothering her wasn't worth the trouble.

My Porsche hummed with anticipation to see me, and I ran my hands over the comforting steering wheel. I drove without the radio on; music bothered me on some occasions. Like when I'm irritated.

I wondered why Jasper and I were having problems in our relationship now. Why the others were too. Were all women destined to live ultimately boring marriages? Was this how the real world worked? I had seen true love before—after all, this was just another decade in my life, and it was anything special. The only that truly made it special was Jasper.

**Rosalie's POV**

"I finally install my engine, and we don't have all the parts. Perfect." I hissed, lying underneath my car. The longer I laid there, the more I was convinced that a permanent outline of my body was going to imprint itself into the cement beneath me. Debating whether or not I wanted to take the time to go to the closest auto-shop, I slid out from underneath the car.

I stood there for a moment, lost, and unreasonably afraid. It was an unfamiliar emotion, one I hadn't felt in nearly a decade. Before I realized that the most dangerous thing to a vampire wasn't other psychotic control-freak vampires, but the people we chose to keep close to us for an eternity. _Like Emmett,_ I thought sadly.

I decided to buy the car part anyways.

**Bella's POV**

Alice's outfit was cute, simple, and comfortable—not that I really had to worry about what was comfortable. I felt a flutter of nerves as I walked into the small coffee shop, and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"Bella?" A smooth voice called from across the room. Plastering a confident smile on my face at Nathan, I made my way to the corner of the shop where he was hidden among piles of books and a humming laptop.

"Nathan." I greeted him, sitting across from him and giving him a warm smile.

"So would you like anything to drink? I didn't order for you, I wasn't sure what you wanted…" He trailed off uncertainly, and I waved my hand and shook my head.

"It's fine, I'll just get a tea," I began, wondering how I was going to keep this small talk conversation going, "So what are you doing here in the United States? Oh sorry, that came out kind of rude…" I blinked, mentally hitting myself. Nathan laughed and pushed slid his laptop away.

"Well, I'm here on a vacation of sorts. My sister moved here a coupla' years ago, and my mum came to Chicago around last year."

"How long are you staying?" I asked, leaning back in my chair. I studied his face, the way he fidgeted in his chair as if he had something else on his mind. No, I decided. I wasn't attracted to him. But there was something homely about his character that I enjoyed.

"Mm. Not sure. I guess until I need to leave. Or if something else keeps me here." He said, laughing once. His eyes narrowed a little, and something clicked in my mind. If he were a werewolf, he'd be attempting to imprint on me. The thought made me laugh, remembering Jacob trying to imprint on me. This poor guy was trying to create a soul connection, one I was sure would work on any other _single_ American woman. Nathan, assuming I was laughing at him, sighed slightly dejectedly, but quickly covered it with a smile.

"So what about you? What do you do here for fun?" He asked, taking a sip of his coffee. I shrugged, racking my brain for fun human things. It was a little hard, considering I was a mother, wife, and vampire, so I stuck with the generic hobbies.

"Well, I love to check out bookstores. I like writing, and going to shows. I'm kind of lame, I'm sorry you got such a pathetic tour guide." I said, embarrassed. My life was kind of bland.

Somehow, Nathan seemed actually excited about my life. His eyes lit up, and his heart sped up slightly. "Not at all! Really? What do you write? What kind of shows?"

"Um, just… things I suppose. Whatever comes to mind. And I like going to local bands."

The conversation took off from there, as we talked about our favorite bands and books. I found myself not as miserable as I thought I was going to be, which was pretty nice. I stopped paying attention to my surroundings, and actually had a conversation—something I hadn't had in a long time, despite being in a house with 8 people. I glanced at the time on my phone, realizing that we'd been talking for three hours and it was almost time for Jake to drop Renesmee off with me again. Nathan, noticing my face, stretched and spoke.

"I'm sorry for keepin' you so long. Thank you for spendin' the day with me, I enjoyed your company."

I gave him a small smile, standing up and bent over to shake his hand. "I had fun, thank you for deeming me worthy of your company."

His hand tightened around mine. "We should do it again." He said, nodding. I rush of happiness shook me to my core, and I nodded back to him.  
>"Definitely! Text me when you're free!" I said, sliding my hand out from his.<p>

"You should wear gloves, it's cold outside!" He shouted as I walked out and chuckled. If only he knew…

**Alice's POV**

"Excuse me, but do you have this in an extra small?" I asked the saleswoman. Of course they did, but apparently it was rude to tell people they had an extra small, and they needed to give it to me.

The woman went back to get the size for me, and I blinked. The feeling of nostalgia and focus overwhelmed my senses as a vision washed over me. Wondering why in the world I had to get a vision in the middle of the mall, my head snapped up, and I turned to the men's section. Moving as fast as humanly possible, I walked determinedly to the men's underwear section. A man in a black hoodie and dark jeans—good fabric, I appreciated—stood nonchalantly.

"I wouldn't steal those." I admonished, folding my arms. The man spun around, and a brief note of surprise flooded me. I hadn't been able to get a full face of the man in my vision, but I did know that he wasn't going to walk out of here without setting every alarm off and peeling out of the parking lot, hitting a parking lot light post.

He was attractive. Around twenty, with stubble, dark brown hair and brown eyes, he towered over my small frame.

"Excuse me? I wasn't….I was just…" He stammered, his heart pounding in his chest. I raised an eyebrow, a challenge to deny. This guy wasn't a criminal, that much was obvious.

"Really? Do you always shop with men's boxers in your pockets, or…?

"Shh!" He hissed, glancing around furtively. I rolled my eyes and cocked a hip. Honestly, each generation's IQ decreased.

"Calm down, Aladdin, and put the stolen goods back. Orange jailsuits wouldn't look very becoming on you, and you're not even grabbing the right size of boxers. You're a medium." I said.

The boy stared at me for a second, then slowly put the underwear back. His cheeks were bright red, and I could feel the onslaught of questions coming that I knew were forming in his head.

"Who are you?" He asked, stepping back.

"Mary Alice. Call me Alice," I said, sticking out my hand and grinning, "And you are?" He stared at my hand for a moment, then slowly took it and shook it.

"Mason. Do you… do you normally hang out in the guy's section, or is this just a random thing?" He asked, irritated.

"Do you normally steal things, or is this just a random thing?" I shot back. He didn't answer, so I continued talking.

"Just wanted to let you know that there was a camera literally right above your head. And there are new sensors on the store products, so you had a one out of 350 chance of making it out of here before the cops got you."

Mason looked down at the ground and shifted from foot to foot.

"I uh… I'm on a budget." He said sheepishly. I laughed, and I heard his heart speed up in response. I quickly pieced the puzzle in my mind, and took out my phone.

** ROSE, MALL PARKING LOT, FLOOR A, BLUE TOYOTA TRUCK. DO DAMAGE TO IT.**

I knew Rosalie was going to be confused. But I also knew that she was on her way to get a car part, and this was on the way. I needed to buy time with Mason for my plan to work, and I was getting desperate.

"I can get those for you." I offered, holding my hand out. He blushed again, and shook his head.

"Um… no thanks, I'll be okay."

"Give me the boxers, Mason."

Something in my tone made him hand me the boxers, and I dragged him to the cashier. The saleswoman smiled when she saw me, and I handed her my extra things.

"You don't even know me." Mason said quietly. I turned to look at him, and gave him an innocent look.

"Consider it an early Christmas present." I said, handing the woman my store card. I didn't consider myself accomplished unless I had store credit wherever I shopped.

Mason took the boxers, and I realized that this situation was probably really awkward for him. But he was attracted to me, and he was cute. The situation had to be kept.

"Well…thank you, Alice." He said, as we walked out of the store.

"Don't mention it." I said with a wink, pretending to walk away. _5…4…3…2…1_

"Alice!" He called, sounding unsure. I spun around, some part of me realizing that this plan had the potential to either go really well, or really bad. I walked back to him, my heels clicking on the pavement.

"Yes?"

"I…what's your number?" He spat out, as if it took every nerve in his body. He wasn't used to talking to females, and yet something about me drew him in. It was a vampire quality, one I was used to. I wrote my number down on the back of his receipt, and handed it to him. This guy had a shit past, and I wasn't going to have some deep conversation with him about it. I was going to give him my number, though.

"Call me if you ever need anything." I said, knowing that was going to be soon. He smiled at me, and we parted. I walked to my car, got in the front seat and waited. If Rosalie had done her job right, I was expecting a phone call in three minutes.

Turning the heat on, and turning the radio on, I drove through the car-lot levels, all the way up to Level A. I watched as Mason stood with his car hood open, peering into the engine that Rose had so craftily taken apart. I had a smile of satisfaction as I watched him hesitantly dial my number, and call my number. My phone rang once, twice, before I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Alice?"

"Mason, how are you! It's been so long!" I teased, knowing what he was going to ask.

"Haha yeah. Um. So I know this is really weird and you can say no, I totally get that, but I just don't know who else to call and I know we're basically strangers and everything, I just wanted-"

"Mason, is there a problem?"

"It's… my car, my car broke down in the parking lot or something. Could you give me a lift?"

I pretended to ponder this, and cleared my throat. "Well, it's just so sudden, I don't know if we're in that stage of our friendship. I've technically only known you for forty-five minutes."

I could hear him cough once on the phone. "I'm sorry, you're right. I don't even know what I was thinking, this is so awkward."

"Yeah, I'll give you a ride." I chirped. His sigh of relief made me laugh, and I felt as content as my purring Porsche.

"Thank you so much Alice, I'm in the A—"

"I know, come on, we don't have all day. Turn around." I joked, peeling my car behind him. He jerked behind him, and I saw the glint of car lust enter his eyes as he took in my car. A low whistle shot out between his lips, and he slammed his hood shut quickly.

"That's a beauty." He said, inching forward to my car like it might bite him if he didn't feed it a treat first.

"Lock your car doors, and call the tow truck." I called out to him. As if remembering his own vehicle suddenly, he did as I told him to as he sat in the passenger seat of my car. I let him fiddle with the radio as we pulled out of the parking lot.

"So…" He trailed off. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"So? Is there a problem?" I asked, taking a left.

"You're kind of amazing. Thank you so much for… everything. I'm new to Chicago, and I'm basically on my own, so it's hard getting on my feet right now."

I nodded knowingly. "I know how you feel. I've been moving around for years now."

"Have you?"

"Yep. My family prefers to change things up every now and then." I said, laughing to myself. Mason nodded, not questioning. After I dropped him off, I waved his thanks away twenty more times.

"You're welcome. Call me when you actually want to hang out." I joked, pulling away. Some part of me realized that this was definitely not how normal people made friendships. He somewhat reminded me of Bella with his off response to things that normal people would usually freak out over.

I was four minutes late picking Jasper up. As he opened the car door and sat down, neither of us said anything. I did, in that brief silence, decide that he was right and should drive his own car to work.

Instead, a feeling of dread came over me, because I knew where this conversation was going to go.

"Alice, why does your seat smell like cologne?"

I coughed awkwardly, wishing I had a vision about this. And yet, if this was what it took to finally get his attention…

"I acquired a friend." I answered.

"A friend." He stated back.

"Yes. A male friend."

"Is that so?" He said softly. I tried to keep my emotions neutral, and silence filled the car again.

"He touched your radio." Was all he said, after a pause.

"I know, Jasper."

"You don't like rap, Alice."

"I like some rap, Jazz." My fists tightened on the steering wheel. "Don't get jealous. He's just a friend, and I gave him a ride home."

"What's that in the back seat?"

I pulled into our driveway, confused. Glancing behind me, I looked at the back seat. A pair of boxers, out of packaging and crumpled, were laid out on the back seat.

Damn, the guy forgot his underwear.

"He…left his boxers." I said lightly.

"Alice, why in God's name are his boxers in your car?" Jasper said, his voice strangled and tight.

"Because I bought him some."

"What happened to his old pair?"

"I don't know, Jazz. It's not like I'm dating the kid or something, calm down."

Wrong thing to say. I watched as Jasper's eyes darkened, and he climbed out of the car. I quickly got out after him.  
>"Alice, I don't like you giving rides to strangers." He muttered.<p>

"I'm not, he's a friend." I said, angrily. "I don't see how it's fair that you can do your own thing, but me, a grown vampire woman can't give a human man a ride."

"Alice—"

"Jasper Whitlock, don't you take that tone with me. Mason and I are friends and you will be supportive of the fact that I am actually making interactions and doing something with my life."

"So his name's Mason now?" He muttered. I said nothing, and my lips pursed.

A moment of silence passed between us, before I felt arms wrap around my waist. I melted instantly, craving the home that I'd been denied recently.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I just…"

"I know, Jasper. I know. You know I'd never leave you, not in a thousand years." I whispered, kissing his collarbone. A second of pure bliss passed between twenty seven seconds, and my phone beeped in my back pocket. Impulsively, Jasper grabbed it and opened the text message.

"Ali, someone's texting yo—"

I probably should have realized that giving a human my number was a bad idea, as Jasper's voice cut off. I slowly peeked up at his face, and saw an expression of pure, cold anger, directed at my cellphone.

"It's your friend, Alice."

I grabbed my phone and stared at the message, wishing the floor would open and kill me.

**ALICE, I DIDN'T GET 2 TLL U BUT UR RLY PRETTY ND WE SHOULD DO SUMTHING**

** THIS WKND.?**

The text was awkward, obviously something he had worked the nerve up to say. I opened my mouth to say something, and instead I was given a hard kiss. I watched as Jasper stomped away, and heard him upstairs.

Click.

Click.

Click.

"Jasper Whitlock, why are you cleaning your guns out?" I mumbled, wishing my husband's hobby wasn't suddenly inspired by my new friendship.

**OKAY GUYS, THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GOING TO GET GOOD. I JUST NEEDED A FILLER CHAPTER. Thanks for being such awesome reviewers!**

**For every review, a vampire twerks somewhere.**

**3 M.**

**I apologize for any mistakes made in this super long chapter.**


	4. Eat Your Heart Out

**OkaAYYayyy...excuses of my awful writing and such are at the end of the chapter.**

**Thanks for the reviews my loves!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of the Twilight world. I don't even know why I bother to put a disclaimer anymore. I'm obviously not Stephenie Meyer. XP**

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><p><strong>Rosalie's POV<strong>

I can count on both hands how many times I've considered- genuinely considered, that is- going on a murderous rampage against the human race. Staring at the white scratch on the side of my beautiful red convertible, as clear and serrated as a wound on a soldier...

This was one of those moments.

And it was Emmett's fault. Indirectly, yes, but had he not driven away with my purse in the backseat of his Jeep this morning, I wouldn't have needed to come to this stupid outdoors store. Emmett's keys in hands, I wondered how the fuck this managed to happen while I was in the store bitching at Emmett. Running my fingers over the scratch, I could tell that the offensive paint belonged to a newer car.

"A newer car with an owner who's about to have their closest run with death..." I muttered to myself.

I stood up and began to inspect each car I passed, my eyes raking over the parking lot, determined to find the asshole who scratched my baby up like a piece of scrap metal from the junk yard. There were white trucks and vans everywhere, all showing signs of owner negligence and wear. I didn't even want to go into the fact that the asshole didn't leave a note with insurance contact information, but took comfort in the idea that I'd only been inside the store for 5 mins, and that whoever had hit my baby couldn't possibly have achieved whatever they-

Wait.

Wait a _fucking_ minute. The white Hummer parked next two spots down from mine. I quickly ran over to the front of the Hummer.

There. A red scratch, like nail polish on a counter was thin but obvious to my vampire eyes. I stared in disbelief, trying to comprehend why this dick would 1. Hit my car and then 2. Park near it like it never happened.

It did happen though, and I wasn't going to leave until I met the person who drove this Hummer, face to motherfucking face. I walked back to my baby, and leaned against her hood. I considered walking back into the store and hunting the rat down personally, then realized I didn't want a scene to draw Emmett out of his work. Granted, I'd finally be getting his attention... Sighing, I grabbed the hair tie out of my hair and began to slide it out. The store doors opened and three voices, two male and one female, met my ears.

"Do you think the person will notice-oh. Garrett. Shit. _Shit._" I met the stare of one of the guys who looked like your average 21st century bro-douche in college, and he nudged his friend that common sense pointed to as the owner of the white Hummer. All three looked surprised that the I'd stayed, probably assuming I'd leave or, by some stroke of luck, not even notice the scratch.

_"You."_ I hissed, rolling my wrists as I pushed myself up from my car. The man turned to stare and I sensed his heartbeat picked up immediately. Dressed in khaki and a black polo shirt, his green eyes met mine and showed a flicker of fear before taking in who was addressing him. The change was instantaneous as his nervous demeanor became that of an honest asshole.

"You. You hit my car." I repeated, standing in front of him. I refrained from cracking his skull open as he raked his eyes over my body like a piece of meat. I realized deep in the crevices of my mind that this guy reminded me an awful lot of Royce, my fiancee from long ago. He held himself with an air of importance, with classic good looks and the ability to morph his personality to suit his company. Of course, this comparison didn't exactly warm me.

"Sweetie, there are white cars everywhere. What makes you think that mines the one that hit your Daddy's car, huh?" He grinned, glancing over at his two other friends. I noted the girl next to him as she stepped closer to him, feeling a confrontation coming on- ex-cheerleader type, used to being the alpha-bitch. Her blonde hair was in a pony tail, smoothed back and pinned. I sensed her insecurity and bad-bitch facade as easily as a human could smell freshly baked bread; I had _been_ her, years ago.

I took an unnecessary deep breath of air. "We're going to pretend like you aren't a fucking idiot for a second. You hit my car. We both know it. Apologize..." I said, unlocking my jaw and giving him a frosty smile, "And I won't kick your ass right here in this parking lot."

His attempted cocky smile was marred slightly by the flush of his ears, being addressed so directly. Glancing again at his girlfriend and friend, the latter who had taken out his phone and was recording the scene with shaking shoulders and a bit lip of delight.

"Listen bitch. He didn't hit your car. And don't threaten my fucking boy-"

My attention snapped to hers. "Look here you hopeless wreck. I'm not talking to _you,_ I'm talking to him. You wanna tangle, we can tangle, but call me a bitch again and I will end you before you know what's coming." I spat the last words in her face, trying to remember those words that Emmett had always told me to say when I was feeling a tad violent. Hakuna Matata? Honestly, I didn't put much stock into what Emmett said lately, and suddenly felt the urge to do the exact opposite of what he told me to do. The girl's mouth gaped for a second, and then snapped shut and her eyes blazed. I turned my attentions back to her boyfriend.

"Apologize." I demanded, crossing my arms. For a split second, the boy looked like he was going to. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the internal battle of being a decent human, and saving face. Realizing that in doing so, he'd basically be submitting to a woman in front of his girlfriend and friend, he stood taller and stepped forward to me.

"I'm not apologizin' to some crazy bitch, no matter how hot she is. I ain't gettin' on my knees for anyone, and sweetheart, I doubt very strongly that you could take me down. I'm sure Daddy'll be willin' to pay-"

"Mention my 'daddy' one more time, and you're gonna meet Mama in a second," I warned. His face flushed and then he leered, "Well tell Mama she can come out to play any time she wants."

His girlfriend let out a soft exhale of anger and smacked his arm, apparently deciding to express her relationship flaws on me. She brought her face up to mine and placed her hand on her hip. "He ain't apologizin' for nothing. You parked stupid, it happened, get the fuck over it. It's barely a scratch."

I turned to the third guy to see if he had anything to add at this point, but he had apparently gone back inside the store, his phone placed on the Hummer's door handle still taking the video. I could hear him talking to the employees about the problem outside, and I inwardly groaned. I leaned forward into her personal face- I was wasting time, and had other shit to do.

"I'm going to give you one last time, honey."

She stared defiantly back before muttering "Bite me." and attempting to push me back. The next few seconds were a blur as I backhanded her face and kicked her knees from out underneath her, her ass landing loudly on the pavement as she lay there stunned. Her boyfriend blinked before grabbing my arm, and I stomped on his foot before shoving my knee in his face and slamming him into his car.

"How's it feel to be smeared against a car, _sweetheart_. That's your thing, isn't it? Leaving marks on cars? I didn't see nearly as much red on your car as I saw white on mine. We should fix that, shouldn't we?" I said, watching as his nose bled and smeared a streak of red on the side of his Hummer. He struggled for a second before I dropped him to the ground, knowing my eyes were black with the scent of fresh blood in the air.

I stood over them and they both shrank back, the girl whimpering slightly and her boyfriend with hate and admiration reflecting in his eyes.

"Your apology isn't accepted." I wiped my hands on my pants before blowing them a kiss and heading to Emmett's car and retrieving my purse, leaving his keys on his front seat. I was feeling petty, and knew he kept a spare key in his bag anyways. They were still on the ground when I drove by, and I sped out of the parking lot as soon as I felt Emmett make his way towards the front of the store.

I was going to get so much shit because of this later on.

**Alice's POV**

"So lemme get this straight," Esme warily said from her usual counter spot, staring at Rosalie. "You publicly beat up a man and his girlfriend for scratching your car, knowing full well that you had more than enough means to fix it yourself..."

Rosalie shrugged and crossed her legs, sitting across and braiding Nessie's hair. Nessie sat entranced at the stories being thrown around her head, more than amused at today's happenings.

"_You_ stopped a man from shoplifting, got Rosalie to _destroy his car_ so you could establish a friendship with him, and then invited him over, apparently," Esme continued, eyes taking in my remorseless state. I nodded in affirmation, leaning against Bella who was looking at her job's bookstore on her laptop.

"I didn't destroy it. His car was a piece of shit to begin with, I just-" Rosalie was cut off by Esme's holding her hand up, and stared at Bella. I giggled at Bella's determined look, knowing she was dreading the next accusation that would be directed to her.

"And you lied to a man, telling him that you weren't married just to go on a coffee date!"

Bella snapped her laptop closed and groaned, folding her arms and sinking her face into them. Nessie rubbed her mother's back sympathetically as Bella mumbled gibberish "_If he weren't British...I'm American, I don't know how to handle... I never learned how to shield myself_..."

"Esme, let's not pretend that you didn't completely seduce the hot coworker." Rosalie reminded Esme, giving her a knowing look. Esme's mouth opened with shock, strangled noises from the back of her throat as she quickly rounded off with "I DID NOT SEDUCE HIM. I'm a married woman and he came on to me!"

Bella, Rose, Nessie and I were silent for a moment, staring at Esme's conflicted state. She exhaled in exasperation when the four of us burst into laughter.

"Esme, he asked you to help him with wallpaper samples. Let's be real here." Rosalie chuckled, smiling slightly as Nessie leaned back into her aunt. Rosalie never quite got over the maternal affection for Renesmee, but it was overlooked by everyone in the house, even by Jacob.

"I'm a interior designer, Rosalie Cullen. Is it so ludicrous my coworker ask me about wallpaper samples after work for an hour or so?" Esme said, placing her hand on her hip. We all gave her a pointed look as her words sank in.

Her eyes grew wide with shock and she dropped her arm. "Oh my god. I've seduced a man."

"Well technically that's already happened with the Great Doctor, but yes, yes you have Esme. You've released your inner Wonder Woman." I inputted, coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist. Esme absentmindedly pat my head, staring at the clock on the wall we kept in the kitchen.

"Yes, but I've never... I'm not sure if I should keep leading him on like this, just to get my husband's attention." She muttered, and I genuinely felt a string of guilt for leading the closest woman I had to a mother into such an inner turmoil.

Rosalie clapped her hands once, leaning forward on the marble counter. "Well, that's just the problem. You shouldn't have to get another man's attention to make your husband realize that he needs to pay attention to you. None of us should. But it happens in every relationship, and let's not pretend that immortality isn't fucking boring."

The room was silent at the elephant Rosalie led into the room, the weight heavy on all of our shoulders. It was something that we vampires tried not to think about, the monotony of a life led several decades and then some. We'd been given lives that humans would dream about; wealth, power, and a lifetime that ended only when we were set on fire like the venom in our veins. We ran a wheel that never ended, we had no choice but to distract ourselves from the lack of death welcoming us at the end of a long life time.

"All right. We need a better plan, ladies." Esme steeled herself, and boldly said.

"Rosalie needs a pursuer. Once she finds one, we'll spend time with each pursuer as much as possible. Then, when the boys realize that their wives are sick of their shit and begin to whine and sweat a little, we'll have to bring it all together somehow..." I was frustrated. Usually I'd have a vision determining the outcome of situations like this, but since no one had made a set decision, I was mentally blind.

"The lakehouse!" Nessie exclaimed, standing up. It hit all of us at the same time, realizing what she meant.

"That's it," Esme said, clapping once in confirmation, as if she were magically going to make this plan work, "We'll do a get together at the lakehouse."

"So that's the official plan? Is there anything you can give us in lieu of a warning?" Bella turned to ask me, opening her laptop as Nessie wandered off and Esme began humming to herself.

"Nope. Nothing." I sighed, slightly frustrated. Although I chose take the lack of warning for the moment as a good thing.

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><p><strong>Okay guys, so I've been slacking a bit. But I've bee busy this past year (it's summer now, so less responsibility somewhat). Not to mention my laptop has been broken, and it's been such a struggle. I'll be getting a new one this week, my friend was kind enough to let my borrow hers for this update.<strong>

**I'm going to try to update once a week, although I'll probably update again one day soon. Thank you so much for your reviews, a sneak peek at the next chapter:**

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><p>"Jasper, it wasn't what it looked like! He's-"<p>

"ALICE, YOU WERE _NAKED_."

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><p>"Edward, why are you on my laptop? Is that... <em>are you looking at what I think you are<em>?!"

**REVIEWS MAKE MAMA WANNA WRITE EVEN MORE, JUST SO YOU KNOW BABYDOLL**

**Also, anyone interested in being my beta, please PM me. I definitely need one if I'm going to be regularly working on this story. Thank you!**


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